Santa Jaws

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This was the second movie we did after Killer Sofa which is basically gone now thanks to some comment removal on Facebook.

This is available on Prime, if you want to watch this.. lol

We start off strong with a bad Santa trying to kill some girl on a boat dock.. with a Christmas tree and he’s trying to push her into the water where of course there is a shark.

But her Savior Appears You know he’s serious because he has a scar on his face

Bad Santa and him fight badly for maybe 10 seconds before he ends up in the water

And is promptly eaten by the shark I guess makes the shark eeeeeeeviiiiiill.

They make out.. but it’s all a dream!

Ahh here is our dreamer. he’s drawing his own comic book starring Santa Jaws! we are in the exposition phase of our movie and the dreamer’s family is gathering for Christmas. I’m not going to bore you with any of them the most interesting one is a “snapstigram model” a relative is dating. I literally can’t wait to see each and everyone of these people get eaten for the spirit of Christmas.

Dreamer finds a gift from “papa” it’s got some German on the outside.
“whoever holds this pen has great power, with generosity in your heart it can only do well, be careful who uses it for personal gain” ok we get it with great power comes great responsibility..

It’s clearly a magic fountain pen, of course he immediately draws Santa Jaws while bitching about his family.

Santa Jaws has entered the chat.. somehow the lights are still working

Ok Dreamer and Granddad go fishing.. the Dreamer knocks eggnog into the water and while the Granddad reaches for it.. Santa Jaws gets him!
The dreamer immediately puts the pieces together that it’s Santa Jaws.
back at home no one will believe the dreamer and so I guess he didn’t call for help. The family leaves and the dreamer is grounded. He has vowed to stop the shark, as you do.

The I guess uncle and his Instagram girlfriend are on his Yacht. I’m sure they are next to die… she #christmas already so here we go..

there is a problem with the engine so he’s going to check it out? how is he going to check it out? the best way by getting in the water the farthest possible place from the engine.

meanwhile the gf has gotten in a floaty and is taking pics

uh oh. you better get to paddling gurl

first it gets uncle yacht

it’s implied it got her too but we haven’t seen it yet

instagirlfriend survives! She’s run back to the rest of the family and has told them of the Sharknanigans.

ok his folks don’t believe instagf and go look for uncle yacht and they encounter santa jaws

but they make it

so dreamer and some comic book friends and instagf are hunting the shark with weapons they got from the comic book store..and the shark uses it’s tail complete with lit christmas lights too grab instas waist

and gets her but not before she puts it’s eye out with a sharp candy cane
well she died a warrior I guess, glorious Valhalla awaits

they figure out Christmas themed weapons only can hurt santa jaws so they make some but one of his buddies is eaten

ok we are in side story here he dropped the pen earlier in the comic book shop and the owner drew a girlfriend, they think the key is the pen so they need it back.

Only, he doesn’t want to give the pen back and makes a run for it. Where does he go? you guessed it.. the water.

but one of them tackles him and he gets it in the neck.

sadly the neighbor love interest of our protagonist dies which means he will probably redraw anyone who dies

they try to use the pen to weaken the shark but it only makes it stronger

they built a turkey trebuchet and are trying to bait the shark

the brother gets too close and is impaled by santa jaws’ candy horn

ok.. now the dad jumped in and he was snacked upon this shark is so hungry

the shark decides it won’t leave an uneaten gunpowder filled turkey on the proverbial table so they eat it and the dreamer shoots it and it explodes

santa jaws is “dead”

OR ARE THEY?

nope it gets mom too

our hero decides to burn the comic

and the shark blows up

ok what the fuck…. he wakes up

Vivien said “he really was the Dreamer” welp natural foreshadowing i guess

ok it was dream the whole time everyone is back alive, peepaw, dad, mom, brother, uncle yacht and insta.
ok he visits his love interest and she’s got his comic. he burns it again but he keeps the pen.

And that’s IT!

ok so.. it was better than the last movie but solid 1.5 out of 5. Next week.. Velocipastor!

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