2 Headed Shark Attack
We open to some dudebros and ladydudebros waterskiing
Whilst the lady dudebros do the skiing, the dudebros are yelling and taking some photos.
Suddenly… a massive 2-headed Shark eats both the Lady DudeBros, it happens so fast the Dude Bros miss it..
So they turn around to find their friends…
Only to themselves be hunted by the 2HShark
Who promptly capsizes the ship..
And snacks upon all the dudebros contained therein.
And we get our title screen and a deathcount of 5.
Our next scene shows us a boat called the Sea King.
and we also see Carmen Electra who I’m guessing made the most amount of money in this entire film.
In the cabin we see a pile of 20 somethings College kids and their Teacher who tries to explain how a sextant works.
There is a lot of giggling and sun bathing and dudebro-ing
We got a jock guy
And we have 1 “geek” guy
While they are complaining about not being able to party and having to be students.. they hear a thud. They look and they see that a dead shark is stuck on the front of the boat, because this is how that would work.
Rather than say.. stop the boat the teacher pokes at it with a stick, which dislodges it
Right into the propeller of the ship, which the propeller does not like.
The other boat workers inform the captain (who is another lady, not electra) that the boat is taking on water.
The 2HShark knows an easy snack when they see it.. so they start eating on the now diced shark stuck in the propeller.
As they call for help the antenna gets damaged
But I guess the 2HShark is full so it swims away seemingly.
While they recover from the event, the lady who I thought was the captain comes and tells the person I called the teacher about the damage.
The students overhear this and are panicked.
So they decide the best course of action would be to head to this.. tiny island and get to shallower waters
And then she calls him captain, right after I swear that he called her captain.
They head towards the island
Captain Teacher and the other 2 ladies disagree whether to go ashore or not.
Carmen decides to stay but almost everyone else leaves for the shore while the boat is repaired.
on the island they find a giant hole in the ground..
And a dead giant squid
Meanwhile.. back on the boat. Carmen and Captain Lady who isn’t going to matter after a few more posts are talking about how she has to weld the ship underwater
She tells Electra.. I got this Bro.
So the workers leave them both to go check on the bilge pumps
And Electra goes so model pose for nobody in the sun.
And if you guessed that our Welder was going to end up a tasty 2 Headed Shark Snack.
Well you guessed right
And both heads get a bite because the 2H Shark knows how to share.
I refuse to name the heads, there is a 3, 4, 5, and 6 headed Shark movie and I just can’t.
Back on the Island (we are told several times this is actually an Atoll.) The Students and Captain have found an abandoned village.
He tells everyone to split up and look for metal.
So we see a throuple peel off to go skinny dipping
And a pair of ladies talk about how one of them is afraid of water in general because she saw a shark once.
So our throuple do indeed begin to canoodle in the water.
And I bet you know what happened next
Back with the team they find another abandoned building. This one has some weapons, including a pistol, which one girl takes but doesn’t mention to anyone.
They also find a couple of tiny boats.
The whole island suddenly shakes, and the Captain gets a boo boo.
So a couple of dudebros take him to the dingy they used to get to the island
and they basically go back to the boat and leave everyone on the island.
Which shakes a couple more times and makes the ground fracture.
The 2 dudebros who brought the captain to the boat decide they’ve seen something and are going to check it out.,
Yeah they figured it out pretty fast and weren’t able to make it back to big boat before they got chewed on by our 2 headed shark
Captain and Dr Electra stare in horror as they are eaten, and they now have no way to get to the shore and the students are left with no way to get to them.
The workers also notice the other lady is probably dead, but they only speak tagalog and no one understood them but her.
So the students left on the island fix the 2 boats they found
So they head out to the larger boat and naturally because they are stupid they race.
his gets progressively dumber as they are both into it. In one boat we have jock muscle bro. and the other is the girl who said she is afraid of the water.
One of the guys on Muscle bros ship is thrown overboard and is found by our 2H friend who kind of plays with him a little bit as the rest of the students on the shore watch
and he is killed and at this point everyone is aware there is a giant shark killing people
The shark continues after muscle bros boat and he abandons the ship and leaves the other 2 behind.
They try to escape on the boat but the shark catches up and eats them
muscle bro makes it to the other boat which returns to shore with him
and Electra, the Captain and the 2 ship guys arrive on shore also with another dingy (where was this?)
They PowWow about the situation and figure out who is dead and who is not.
The Cap tells them there is a transponder on the boat that will alert help but only if the boat is sunk.
They hatch a plan to make a distraction in the water with a generator so they can get under the water with the boat and repair the hole.
The girl afraid of the water said she’ll do the repair.
The captain said it should be him or the crew but the crew feels otherwise and the captain is bleeding.
Also it’s clear now that the island is sinking.
So we are full on #distracttheshark
And they do indeed construct a thing to distract the shark
And it works for a little while.
MuscleBro goes with the New Welding lady to fix the ship
Eventually however, the shark rushes the machine they built and wrecks it.
And our 2 tagalog speaking crew members are eaten
Just as she gets done repairing the ship however the shark heads to them.
But musclebro has other plans..
He’s stealing the ship because you gotta not look back and look out for #1.
She swims back to shore and tells everyone whats up.
And the shark messes the ship up so bad it begins to sink immediately
our muscle bro tries to get help but is not successful.
so he gets on a little inflatable boat
so hand then he ends up a snack
The island is now actively falling apart.
As everyone runs for safety we see a few people get split up from the rest.
And they get picked off by the shark.
Carmen and the Captain see a giant Tsunami headed for the island.
Complete with shark
And they are eaten.
The remaining students make it to a half sunken church because why not
But the shark busts in to hear the good word and when he finds out the good works is snacks he stays a while. He gets shot at and somone beats him with a cross
And in the end we have only 3 students left. and they hatch another plan. They find a barrel of gasoline
they are going to light it and put it in the mouth of the shark
After sacrificing herself they do actually manage to do this.
and our 2 headed Shark Boi becomes a 1 headed Shark Boi
It then chases our remaining 2 students to a Boat.. and they send the boat out on the ocean hoping the Shark will chase it
Which he does
And as he bites the engine.. it explodes. because that’s how that works.
The two of them climb to some rocks.
And a helicopter comes.
And that’s it.. there are literally 4 more of these, and I’m afraid.. I’ll need to heal before I’m ready to watch any of them.. lol
See you next Week!Tags: 2012, asylum, prime, sharks